Check out The New Porker

Hello, Old Friends!

I can’t believe it’s almost been 3 years since I last updated honestbuzzard.com!

Hopefully, in the near future, I’ll have time to upload some new stories and excerpts from the novel I’ve been working on.

But the main reason for this post is there’s a side project I’ve been working on that I think you guys might like. It’s a satirical news website I started called The New Porker. 

Here’s our logo:

We’re currently looking for new humor writers that are interested in collaborating on stories and projects. Or if you have a great headline or idea for a story we’d love to hear it.

Check out our submissions page for more info.

You can also email me at: info@thenewporker.com

Hope to hear from y’all soon!

And I’m looking forward to getting honest buzzard back up and running in the next few weeks!

Lights Out

Through a puff of smoke and the discordant

notes of an amateur piano man, I watch her

sitting alone in a back corner booth,

a candle paints her face, eggshell

eyes like two dead light bulbs.

Paper or Plastic? (Part II—Double D’s)

    I used to work with a red head girl everyone called Double D’s. She inherited the nickname after she banged Robert the produce guy on a stack of lettuce boxes in the produce cooler. Double D’s stood for Dirty Dana, she was the store slut.

Mortality Wake Up

Lying on a sterile table, white wax paper

crinkled under my young body—

a needle buried in my wrist.

Beyond Palace Walls

    Drunk, I staggered down a Tijuana alleyway. A moon bent like a finger nail clipping lit my way. I watched a mangy brown puppy eating old tacos from a tipped garbage can as I dragged my tired feet back towards the U.S. border. I had just been drinking, laughing and dancing with friends at one of our favorite bars when that familiar anxiety came over me. I had to leave. I told everyone I was taking a taxi back to the border, but I had something else in mind.

Paper Contortionist

We boys found refuge in the bamboo forest.

We cracked and snapped through yellow shoots

that pierced the earth like leafy daggers.

Concrete Crack Sutra

Down the Boulevard of wilting eucalyptus trees and tagged up bus stops, a concrete crack breathes through crab grass lips—

Each night under the siren filled lights, the sharp points of high-heeled ladies clip-clop like hooves across that crack by the dozen

When Death Comes Knocking

Here is the first short film I ever shot!  I filmed it about four years ago and is one of the few non-sketch comedy films I’ve created.  Make sure you click the FULL SCREEN button. Watching anything on a stamp-sized screen just ain’t the same…Enjoy!

The Showgirl #5

In fifth grade, the dancer was the playground princess. Boys gathered in the grass to watch her swing, while girls scowled from lunch tables. The higher she pumped, the more she wondered if she could swing over the bar. The boys said no one could do it.

Porky’s

    Tucked in the back corner of Tijuana’s Plaza del Zapato there’s a dirty gem responsible for some of the best nights and worst mornings of my life. Porky’s was a melting pot for Tijuana’s punk kids, cokeheads, Goths, gays, hipsters, and